there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
