So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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