RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
