There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
