Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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