I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
