Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
