i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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