her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
