puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
