so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we're so committed to being not committed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
