Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My vagina just clenched in fear
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
