can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its about making memories worth repressing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
