Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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