dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
