Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
