what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
