So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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