i love accidental penises.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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