I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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