theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
