I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
