I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
