I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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