Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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