haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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