I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
