Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
