Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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