drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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