put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
