the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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