I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
