Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
