Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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