Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
