hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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