Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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