I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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