i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
