Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
