i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
