Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
