PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
