Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
