I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
