is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
