wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
