We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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