ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
