People with herpes should wear stickers.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we're making bets on your personal life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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