I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
