how can u be prego again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
