I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
